My daughter has always said to me “ Mom, you just don't know how to really relax” all said while she’s in sweats, wrapped in a blanket like a burrito placed in the middle of her bed, surrounded by more blankest and pillows ever possibly needed with just her eyes and red curls sticking out. She knows how to relax. And, she was totally right about me. I never really knew how to get lost without thoughts and cares. With a brain that is literally non-stop it’s always been hard for me. Being in design, retail and the service industry for 35 years I can’t help but make checklists I’m my head about ways that the environment I am in could be improved. But then, I was finally in a place that does what they do so well that the first barrier was broken. The Rock Spa at the Hard Rock AC do it right! Now the next barrier was me….what was holding me back?
I had to get out of my own way and really be in the moment and let go and just relax. And really, who likes their children to be right? Am I right??!! But, I did learn one of my own obstacles was from 40 years ago. Why couldn’t I just walk around here naked and care free like some of the other women? Why was I concerned about who saw me?? I was with 2 amazing friends They weren’t judging me. The strangers were strangers I would never see again so who really cares?? But I did. Or I did. Or I am working on it lets say…
The past few months I have been saying over and over what a gift breast cancer has been for me and how fortunate I have been. One of those gifts is realizing to not take shit so seriously and for fear not to rule. So when I asked myself in that moment why cant I let go and be carefree? The answer was fear. Fear of how I looked. I had let my own image of my body stop me from doing fun things like going for a massage, or enjoying the sauna and swimming with friends. My body image stopped me from participating. I have struggled with putting a bathing suit on my whole life. As someone who has weighed 130 to 222 pounds in my adult life I don't think at any point I was happy with how I looked. Which is really fucked up because that’s almost a 100 pound difference from my thinnest to my very 9 months pregnant.! But, now I know that life is too short for shit like this to get in my way of joy and happiness. Fear shall not win. Thank you cancer for this lesson.
Listen, I will give myself GRACE because I do realize how badly I was teased growing up and that has stayed with me my whole life. Being called things like cow calves, thunder thighs and torpedo tits as well as every time a blimp went by this same kid would point to the sky and say there you go Chrisie. Kids really suck! But, I understand now what it has done to me. I have had a life of yo-yo dieting, guilt and hiding almost 40 years because of those words. Do I forgive this kid? Yes, because I have always felt that kids that tease are being teased themselves or are around parents that speak this way. I cant really blame him for being a dick at such a young age. Shit like this I let roll off my shoulders as much as I can. How healthy can it be to let something from 40 years ago stay with me? I am grateful to be a live to learn this lesson
So as I stood there in the spa I had a little pep talk with myself and decided take advantage of every opportunity the next few hours gave me. I let my friend Debbie lead the way as she truly is a hippie and knows how to be in the moment. Instead of hiding in my robe like I had done in the past….dont get excited I had a bathing suit on …and headed into the eucalyptus sauna and tried my hardest to relax. It took a while but then I brought in my breathing exercises, closed my eyes and listened. And what did I hear? Nothing. Just the sounds of the water and my breathing. A small defeat for this girl!
We moved to the room with the giant life pool, waterfalls and jets galore. I was like a kid moving from one area to the next. I probably had a big shit grin on my face. Was this what it was like to relax??? It was glorious! It felt fabulous on my soar back and twisted knee.
As we got called up for our massages I was already so relaxed. The wetsuits got placed in our lockers and our robes were all that we wore. I was in it! I met my message therapist who was a lovely women with butterflies on so you know I had to start talking to her. I chose the aromatherapy package (did you expect differently?) and got to smelling all the scents in front of me. I started telling her about what I do and how we give back to cancer patients and that I myself was a survivor. Before she could even say anything I had my Vented In Brooklyn Believe bracelet off and onto her wrist. She was happy but I knew something was up. I started asking her about her butterflies and told her what they mean to me and it was like she knew I would understand her feelings. You see this wonderful women lost her child to cancer and butterflies started appearing all over when she passed. It was near her daughters anniversary so we talked more about her. We shared some tears and I told her well I must be here for a reason. It must be to tell you that she loves you. We continued to talk while she worked her magic the whole time. The stories continued how she started a education scholarship in honor of her daughter and how she gives back to the cancer community. She finds it healing to give, that is how she finds strength. We were kindred spirits and I was so happy to have met her. I hugged her tight when I left her.
You may ask if this ended my mood of peace but if you know me you know how it brought me more joy. Having the ability to talk to strangers about their cancer journeys is a blessing. You never know how you can change someone’s life but letting them be heard. Thank you cancer for letting me understand.
The perfect spa day Rock Spa was ended with a complimentary peach Prosecco sitting around talking about life with my friends. I had finally defeated the noises in my head. It was a lesson in life that thanks to cancer and turning 50 that I was finally present and relaxed.
I totally recommend giving the spa a chance and being all in! Life is too short not too be in it! Live it! And LIFT others too while you are doing it.
Here are some pics from our day at Hard Rock Rock Spa this summer! And yes, this took me a while to write but who cares!!! Not me!
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| My gift of the day! |
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| All pampered and ready for a night of more connections! |
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