10 Traits To Look For In A Man For Life

 

So today I felt like switching up the kind of blog I would write. I decided I would torture my husband and write about him on this day in our history together. He may kill me for posting this but I wanted to praise him today. Its been a long year and he is my rock, hell my mountain. Well lets get back to what today is in Canny history.  See…today is the day I made Mike Canny officially start dating me…30 years ago tonight.  And yes,  I made him! It may have really happened on the 19th as it was  the latter point of our date but I claimed we were going with 8/18. I liked the date better. The things we think about when we are  20 and in love but I knew he would be mine forever so obviously the date was crucial…was it not? 

 We had big plans that we would finally go back to The Village Vanguard tonight and sit in the small theatre, listen to jazz, have a cocktail and celebrate us and all that we have accomplished and been through.  But things got in the way for tonight’s plans.  And thats ok, because its these things that  have helped us be able to navigate life  together this long. Mikes band got a great gig offer and I was being honored and getting to throw out the 1st pitch at the Cyclones…these are the things we both love so we were happy for each other. We would just celebrate another day. 

But if you kept up with my posts today you know I am not in that field but instead hiding out in my room with covid…so the things I was going to write about tomorrow are no longer the things that are happening in my life today...did you get that? So instead I am writing about how lucky I have been to have fallen in love with a friend. This is how I ended up here writing this blog. These traits and habits that Mike has always had are great traits to look for in a man for life or to be trapped in a bedroom with during covid!

So if you are looking for a man for life look and listen to what he says and does right from the start. 

I didn’t realize I was going to add to all of these after thoughts and stories but I did… here are some tips that have helped us not kill each other. Hello covid and not being apart like 900 days or something like that since March 1st , 2020! OK some days apart…like 20!

1. Look for a man who is late for a date because he has to wash his clothes. 

Mike lived at home still so I was taken aback the 1st time he said that. I was still a spoiled girl whose Mom did her laundry. He is always willing to do the laundry whenever he can. Years of poop and pee were handled because we both did it. Of course laundry can be overwhelming sometimes and its a stressor. Don't take it all on yourself and you will get through it. 

And you know damn straight both of our kids have done their own laundry since they started high school. Take one thing of your plate! Pass that shit to your kids…they are so capable! 

2. Look for a man who wants you to meet his family.

I had dated a guy for 2 years prior to Mike. He loved me and such but I met his Mom like 3 short moments in all that time. How would I know what kind of husband he would be if I didn’t see how he treated his mother??? Or interact with family?

Mike introduced me to everyone. I was taken aback that 1st Christmas together. His family showered me with gifts and love and made we feel so welcome. This was what I wanted. I always told him I fell in love with his parents 1st and then him. The respect Mike paid to his parents, the way his parents spoke to each other,  I just knew he was a keeper.

So if you want to keep a girl or a guy introduce them to your family…even if its crazy…it will help them understand you!

3. Look for a man with a hobby that he loves.

Mike has been playing guitar with his brothers since the day I met him in the fall of 1990. It was probably one of the things that I was attracted to. As someone who cannot play an instrument I am amazed when someone can, especially when they do it well.  His confidence to get up in front of crowd to play and sing vocals won me over…even though it took me like 20 years to like the Grateful Dead…

By having a hobby like this it creates opportunities for you both to have time alone….band practice…gigs…time to just play and be. It sets an understanding that you both get time to focus on things you love. Step back and let them have their time and when its show time or a fundraiser or whatever it is go out and support each other and fill each other with accolades time! Talk to your spouse the way that you want to be treated. You can raise someone or you can make them feel like shit. 

4. Look for a man that supports all that you do.

Mike has always supported everything I have ever done. From coming to fashion shows I worked to every crazy idea I have ever had. I have had 4 corporations with one of those being a brick and mortar. I missed every holiday party and have worked insane holiday hours since we were dating. He believes in everything I create and every fundraiser I nominate him to work! He is my cheerleader!

This support and acceptance of my schedule all these years really came in handy when we had young kids. He had to take them places on his own. I had to trust him to do things on his own. (Ok..so maybe I gave him a hard time about what Cate had on so I learned to leave the outfit out.) When we think that we are the only ones capable of  taking care of the kids and don't ever give our partners a chance we build up resentment because we feel we do everything and we make them feel like they are a bad parent. No one will ever do anything exactly the way you do but accept that the other is doing the best that they can. Having young kids is stressful!  Believe me there was plenty of fighting but when you both understand you are supporting each each other with your dreams you can endure!

5. Look for a man that tells you are beautiful, no matter what.  

Even on your shittiest days with no makeup on and maybe puking into a bowl, fat or skinny, with boobs or no boobs find a man that tells you you are beautiful. Till this day Mike tells me I am beautiful. He has told me since we were dating even on those days that I didn’t feel beautiful and where life was challenging me. 

This is not a one way street..I tell him how handsome he is constantly and I mean it. Our children hear it. Of you haven’t told the person you love how handsome or beautiful they are. Give it a try. Make it a habit. Lift your partners by lifting the way they feel about themselves!

 6. Look for a man your Mom likes better than you.

Lets just face the facts here, my Mom likes better than me. Nana will deny it but I know its true. She always talks highly of  Mike and what a great guy he is…that I married a gem.

As much as we don’t like to hear it Mom does know best. Sometimes we see things you are blind to. And yes sometimes we are wrong too and don’t see the bad that you are telling us about.. Can you at least  promise to think about the person you are with if we think they are bad???

7. Look for a man that has the same values as you.

I said values not opinions. You are not going to have the same opinions all of the time but know that your baseline is the same  Family is everything to us. We both believe in God, being kind and believe in helping others. We knew this about each other at the very beginning.

8. Look for a man who is up for an adventure.

If you want adventure look for someone adventurous, if you want a homebody pick a homebody. Mike has always known when I need a day away or a night out and vice versa. He is willing to run away with me just because and so am I. We may have different styles of what we like sometimes but we have learned to take turns. Hmm I wonder if Mike will agree with this. Ok I may win this more but thats what makes him great!

Dont save your nights away just for your girlfriends ladies. Do both!! Nothing like a hotel room and an escape from reality to help remind the two of you why you started dating. Leave the kids with Nana if you can! 

9. Look for a man who  has the same clothes standards as you! No sweatpants around here!

This man is neat, like all the time. He cares about the way he looks. There are no PJ days unless we are like really really sick. I love that he cares about the way he looks for me and for himself and I love to reciprocate.  He has done this since I met him. He would work a shift and still look as fresh as a daisy. I am definitely the smellier one around here! 

10. Look for a man whose smile lights up your heart.

My girlfriend knew the day I started to like Mike. It was the day the I said to her “Mike has such a nice smile”.  He was our waiter like he had been the past year but something was different. My friend had become something else in my heart. His smile is something that calms me, lets me know I am loved, fills my heart with smiles and lets just say makes me happy in a certain way! Pick a man whose smile lights up your heart from the beginning. 

Marriage is hard. Life is hard. I know I am lucky but we work on it. Marriage has its up and downs. I  always say to my friends that your spouse has to be your number one priority  and your number one priority together are your kids.  You have to love your spouse more than your kids because you are going to need to draw on that strength when your kids deplete you…and they will…but knowing that baseline is good will help you through it! Spoil your spouse, fill them with accolades and lift them to the best person they can be. We can build someone up with love or take them down hate, choose love.

Happy 30 years together Michael! Thank you for loving me as hard as you love me. There is no doubt how devoted you are to me. Cancer was nothing with you by my side, it was just a bump we rode over together. I look forward to the next 60 years together!