Here are a few of the lessons I've learned about fear.
Fear is easy.
Fear is isolating.
Fear is debilitating.
Fear is destructive.
Fear is learned.
Fear is inevitable.
Fear is normal.
Fear is unifying.
Fear is helpful.
Fear is protective.
Fear is powerful.
Fear is not forever.
We are often afraid to speak up. We're afraid to ask for help. We're afraid to sing in public. We're afraid of math. We're afraid of standing up for what's right. We are afraid of all of these things, because we've been taught to be afraid. We are afraid of someone's response. We're afraid of what people will say. We are afraid of how people will judge us. We are afraid that someone will use our weaknesses and our emotions against us. We are afraid someone will post that hideous photo of us and that someone will turn it into a meme (or is that just me?).
The more that you can latch on to some perspective regarding fear, the less afraid you become. We let fear control so much of what we do every day. I mean, how many decisions do you make every single day because you're afraid of what someone else will say about you? What if you didn't wear makeup every day? What if you walked out of the house in a wrinkled shirt and pajama pants? What if you decided to just not shower and not comb your hair for that big meeting or big presentation? We KNOW that people would comment. We KNOW people would judge us and say cruel and hurtful things about us.
So we've been trained to try to attempt to do everything perfectly and in the way that people expect, and we diminish the things we might really want to do just because we know someone will comment in a cruel way. And then people comment when we get too emotional. So we're taught to have more "grit" and to be able to take more and more and more cruelty until we break.
It's no wonder we're afraid.
Because confidence is feeling that you've made all of the right decisions so that no one has anything negative to say about you. You feel like you are wearing the right clothes and the right amount of makeup and the right hairstyle. You look fashionable. You are driving the right car. And you have a bright white smile and you're the right size and shape. And then you walk out into the world, and all you hear is critiques of how people dress and look. And then you become afraid, and you buy more new clothes and you redecorate your kitchen because you feel like yours is outdated, all because of external pressures. These pressures are so ingrained in our culture that we don't even realize just how friendly our culture is to those who are beautiful and wealthy. They can wear whatever crazy clothes they want to, and all of a sudden that look is the next new style. They have confidence. But if someone walked out of the thrift store in those same clothes, someone might just turn around and laugh. And even when we see other people trying to make a statement with a completely out-of-the-box look, we often think in our mind about how brave that person is -- because we know the world is a cruel place that is full of judgment.
And we are all afraid of that judgment. From our friends. Families. Coworkers. Classmates. Random strangers.
I hope you're starting to make some connections here.
Because I've learned to use fear as a challenge. And I'm not afraid of a challenge.
So I want to challenge you to get in front of the fear so that you can not only build more confidence in yourself, but also in others.
And the easiest way to do that is to be kind. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. Be kind to your children. Be kind to your parents. Be kind to random strangers who frustrate you. (But don't be so kind to anyone who tries to harm you...) And just maybe we can start building a collective confidence where we are not as worried about those mean comments hitting us out of nowhere, because we'll all be trying to be more kind, which means being less judgmental.
Stop making those mental comments about other people (which can be a tricky voice to shut off) and start spending that mental energy really digging into the things that you want to do but have yet to do because you were afraid. Do you want to write a book, but your sixth grade teacher said you weren't a good writer, so you stopped dreaming about writing a book? Do you want to be an artist, but so many people made comments that you'll never be able to pay the bills?
What do YOU really want to do? Dig around and see if you can figure out why you're afraid of attempting it and then just use that fear as a challenge. I know you can do so many amazing things and that you're holding back some of your amazingness from the world out of fear, and I'm here to help you re-evaluate where those fears come from, because we all have them, and we're all afraid to talk about them. Now, you do have to understand that some people are just going to be cruel, and they might say some cruel things, but then real confidence is putting those comments in a place where they don't make you afraid to continue learning and to continue doing whatever it is that you love to do. Stop letting someone else's cruel comments make your decisions, because doing that will simply lead to more fear.
And if you want to go out into the world wearing striking blue eyeshadow and a vibrant rainbow wig, then do that! Be fearless! Be friendly! And be fearlessly friendly!
Laura B. Ginsberg
Laura B. Ginsberg's Alabama childhood afforded her creative and unstructured days and meandering language skills until some Journalism and Creating Writing professors at The University of Alabama really split open some hibernating creatures of the poetic sort. Dreams of New York City ransacked the mechanical stability of a career in business magazines, so she followed a few friends up to New Jersey and stumbled into a dreamy book editing job within educational publishing underneath one of the big publishers. Cancer happened. Marriage happened. Now, from Asbury Park, New Jersey, she and her husband run a small business and attempt to inspire luxurious growth in high school students. She does some freelance editing and spills some poetry into notebooks (fairly regularly), all while attempting to make homemade biscuits and pies like her grandmothers always did. She experiments with abstract acrylics on canvas and thoroughly enjoys unstructured days painted with learning and language as a master's student in the Teaching Writing program at Johns Hopkins. Her poetic manuscript coming out this fall is meant to help writers learn to experiment with language, because she aspires to be a writing accomplice and a kindness fanatic who can help everyone believe in the power of their own words.
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@FearlessyFriendly
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