Letting Go of What does not Serve you

 

On September 28, 2019, I drank my last sip of alcohol.

Well, it wasn’t a sip. More like a bottle or two of wine. Truly, the amount doesn’t matter. What matters is that I was trying to fit a square peg in a round hole for decades. Alcohol was not serving me and I needed to let it go.

At the time, I wasn’t aware it would be my last time drinking. But, as my anxiety surged through the night and crippled me throughout the next day, I finally decided I had enough.

If you are fulfilled and happy with your alcoholic drinks of choice, this blog post may not resonate for you. I am not here to judge, diagnose, or preach to you.

However, if you are a person that cannot understand why a highly addictive chemical depressant makes you feel like a trash human when everyone else is having so.much.fun…this IS for you.

I needed posts like this 2 years ago when I felt like I was the only person on earth that felt that way. Spoiler alert - I am not. If you feel that way too - you are not alone. There are MANY people who do.

I was born and raised in New Orleans, LA -where the “good times roll”. Alcohol was and is something that is pervasive and omnipresent in the culture there. I never considered life without it as I was growing up. Everyone I knew drank. When I was little, I perceived it as the fun and grown up thing to do. Watching my grandmother drink whisky high balls, or my Aunts and Uncles drinking Manhattans with my parents, or my parents hosting parties at the house…it was all so glamorous to me.

As I grew older and started developing my own relationship with alcohol, I found that it changed over the years. It was a way to fit in, a companion when I was bored, a stress reliever, something I earned to end a bad day, and a way to celebrate. When I had kids, it was a way to socialize with other moms at Mom’s Night Out. It was what I was “supposed” to be doing and I was supposed to be having the most fun. Looking back, there were many times that I was not having the most fun.

Then fast forward to when my husband and I started a family…

Culture and society tell us that mommy needs wine to cope. Movies and shows demonstrate that to be a successful career woman you need to immediately pop a bottle when you walk in the door. Basically, we are told nothing is fun, relaxing, or celebrated unless it is with alcohol.

Drinking mocktails is “weird” and getting shitfaced is “normal”.

Shirts that say “Mommy needs wine when you whine”.

Coffee cups that say “This might be vodka”.

Wine glasses that say “Mommy juice”.

For the longest time I thought that something was wrong with ME. If I can’t eat, drink, and be happy like everyone is telling me I should…clearly I am the problem.

I am calling BS.

Let me be clear - I am not judging you if you like to drink. I am anti-drinking for ME. I am anti mommy wine culture feeding us lies that it is the only norm.

I am pro mental health and physical health. I am pro finding fulfillment without using a drug to facilitate it. I am pro making the choice of sobriety a norm rather than a last resort.

I don’t want my kids to feel there isn’t a choice. You can go through your entire life without alcohol and have it be completely fulfilling and fun. Getting annihilated and blacking out is not a requirement.

How does it feel after 2 years? I am happier! I am having more authentic fun than I have had my whole life. I love to hang out with friends whether they are drinking or not. I don’t feel sad and think “I don’t get to drink.” I genuinely CHOOSE not to drink because it does not serve me. And, despite the chaos of the last 2 years, making that choice has served me very very well.

Cheers to many more mocktails, memories, and peace!

Alison Heffernan, MD is a pediatrician in Cincinnati, OH.  She is a born and raised “NOLA girl” with three girls of her own and happily married to her husband of 20 years.  When she is not battling COVID-19, and the spread of misinformation on it, she enjoys reading, Pure Barre, naps, cooking, and spending time with her family and goldendoodle, Saint. This is her first blog post and she hopes it resonates with other moms who feel alone and confused amidst our toxic mommy wine culture.