In high school, you have to choose a college based on the career path you want to pursue in life. So, hard! Very few of us can accurately predict what we would do/be in life at eighteen.
And, I will go out on a limb here and say that none of us anticipate our life will include a battle with breast cancer. I certainly did not.
With having no history of breast cancer in my family, I never thought I could fall victim to it. I did, and it was a prolonged entry that bordered on the surreal.
Initial Diagnosis
In September of 2016, I noticed a slight discharge out of my right breast while on a business trip. I tried to replicate it the next day and then the day after, and I could not. I chalked it up to yet another one of the lovely experiences of menopause.
Coincidentally, two weeks later, I had my yearly gynecologist appointment. While there, the doctor asked if I had noticed any changes in my breasts. I mentioned the odd, one-time-only discharge.
I could see by the look on her face that I was in trouble. She referred me immediately to a Women's Imaging center for a mammogram. After a whirlwind of tests, including a needle biopsy, it was determined I had a papilloma. It was non-cancerous, phwee!
I needed a quick surgery to remove it. I took off a Thursday and Friday from work and had surgery on October 13th. As promised, I was back to work Monday.
A few days later, the pathology confirmed the growth was benign. However, the cells surrounding the papilloma were cancerous. How could that be? Had I not had the papilloma, a mammogram might not have detected cancer for another year.
Since my cancer was diagnosed early, I only needed a lumpectomy with 1-2 lymph nodes removed (as a precaution). I probably would not need any further treatment. I had the lumpectomy on November 8th.
Unfortunately, while the cancer was small, it had already spread to my lymph nodes. So, my "caught very early" prognosis was now Stage II Invasive Ductal Carcinoma Breast Cancer. And I required four infusions of chemotherapy over twelve weeks, plus 37 daily radiation treatments to fight it. I would also need to be on preventive medication for a minimum of five years.
Breast Cancer Changed Everything
Breast cancer turned my life completely upside down! How was I going to tell my children I had cancer? What would my job say? What if I couldn't beat it? My thoughts were so scattered. I was terrified.
I started praying. I was never so happy to have had twelve years of Catholic schooling and strong faith. I asked God for his grace to get through this, and then I flipped into my practical, usual self and attacked my cancer step by step.
I did everything the doctors told me to do. It was tough. I experienced horrific bone pain from each dose of chemotherapy. It incapacitated me and left me crying and curled up on the bathroom floor in the fetal position. It felt like someone had taken a power saw to my hips and was slicing through my bone. I would have gladly traded it for labor pain!
My hair started falling out after my first chemo treatment. It was so gross; I'd be shampooing my hair and watch clumps of it fall to the shower floor. I opted to have it shaved off and started wearing what I call "cancer beanies."
I eventually got a wig (see photo above), but I never felt comfortable in it. I believe I wore it once. For some odd reason, I was happier wearing a "cancer beanie" that might as well have been a neon light flashing, "This woman has cancer." It was bizarre but true.
The chemotherapy treatments made me incredibly weak. I was in the bathroom one time, and I didn't have the strength to stand up from sitting on the bowl (true story). It was one of the rare times that I was home alone.
The bathroom was pretty small, so I could lean forward and put my head up against the wall and use it as leverage to stand. It was such a crazy situation that all I could do was laugh. I mean, can you imagine?
I never thought I would be able to laugh at my situation, but I did. There was a time that I couldn't figure out why the kitchen smelled so badly. I changed the bag in the garbage pail, but it still smelled. I threw out a bunch of things in the refrigerator, and it still smelled. And then I realized it.
The kitchen didn't smell; my breath did! I had chemo breath, and it was nasty. I had a genuine belly laugh that day. Again, can you imagine?
Radiation Treatments Were Challenging
Plodding along, I made it through the remaining chemo treatments and started radiation. The radiation treatments were not painful; they were just humiliating. I had two radiation technicians – both male. Each day, I needed to lay upside down on a board and have these two men manipulate my breasts into position for the radiation beam.
All the while, they are chit-chatting with me as if this is a perfectly normal situation. Ugh, I hated it! Until a friend told me I should think of it as having a threesome every day. How funny! From that day on, I would giggle to myself every time they started manipulating me. Hey, you do what you have to do to get by.
Midway through my radiation treatments, I developed a kidney stone. It went undetected until it turned septic. I went into septic shock and spent five days in the ICU. It almost killed me. I would have been so mad if I had died from a kidney stone after all the cancer treatments I had!
A stent was inserted in me that allowed me to resume my radiation treatments. Once I finished them, I had surgery to remove the stent and the kidney stone. After six months of treatments, I was done.
But my journey was beginning.
Used to Be a Sales Executive
For the twenty-five years before my cancer diagnosis, I was a sales executive. I traveled all over the United States, giving presentations to Fortune 500 Companies. Frequently, I was the only woman in the room.
I managed million-dollar budgets with 26 sales reps and eight offices. Leadership was in my blood. I thrived on the pressure; and, I was very successful until I wasn't.
My Company terminated me while I was out on disability (yes, it was legal), so I no longer had employment. I was out of the workforce for about 1.5 years during treatment and recovery. It may as well have been twenty years in the technology field!
Sliding back into a comparable work position was impossible. Breast cancer changed every aspect of my life. It forced me to make a better life for myself. I am enjoying life so much more after having had this experience. Some people need to get hit over the head before they hear the message. Breast cancer was my blow to the temple.
I had allowed my job to take control of my life. Everything revolved around my work travel plans. I worked from home when not traveling. So, laundry got done when I had an office day scheduled. And, I always felt guilty taking the time to switch the clothes and then fold them.
Work became my identity without my even realizing it. Once my treatments were over and I had no job, I suddenly had no idea who I was. I honestly didn't know what I liked and didn't like. I had always been just going through the motions. I needed to figure out who I was.
My Turning Point
I started seeing a therapist and eventually needed a psychiatrist to pull me out of depression. It was a daunting time in my life. It was humbling to need this type of help.
It took some time, but I eventually realized this was my opportunity to start over and live a more fulfilling, balanced life. I did a lot more praying. I started to go to mass every day. It became my reason to get up and get dressed every morning. Attending daily mass created a routine for me that was similar to going to work.
I did so much reflection during those masses. Why am I still alive? There must be a reason why God allowed me to live through cancer and sepsis. What is my purpose? Through many hours of therapy, I was able to turn things around and realize how lucky I was. I had a chance to start over on my terms. How exciting!
Suddenly, I felt like a kid in a candy store. What should or could I do? I made lists of things I enjoyed doing. I engaged in lots of daydreaming.
I researched breast cancer survivor stories on the internet. What were other survivors doing? I joined survivor Facebook groups and created an Instagram account. I learned that telling my story was important.
All recently diagnosed and survivor breast cancer patients need hope. They need to know that people survive breast cancer and create better, more fulfilling lives for themselves. I can prove it to them!
In seventh grade, I started writing poems. I carried a black marble notebook with me so I could jot down poems at any time. It was the start of my love of writing. As I got older, I decided to be a Sports Writer for a major daily newspaper. I loved sports and loved writing, so why not?
In High School, I wrote sports articles for our local newspaper, The Bayside Times. I loved it! I studied journalism in college and was the editor of the school newspaper. Not surprisingly, when I graduated college, I was unable to obtain employment in this field.
I took a marketing job at Showtime, and things just evolved from there. My writing got put on hold. One job morphed into the next, and I wound up excelling in sales and making a career out of it.
But, those days are over! I currently write a lifestyle blog, https://www.outwittinglife.com/. I titled it outwitting life because that is what I have been doing since my cancer diagnosis. I have been figuring out how to take my life challenges and turn them into something positive. I have chosen not to be bitter about having breast cancer. Instead, I am embracing change and being an example for other survivors.
New goals bubbled up when I changed to this mindset. I opted off the pity pot and took control of my new path. I am thrilled to be writing again and feel honored.
My new mission is to inspire breast cancer survivors to view their recovery as an opportunity. They have more control over their life than they know. There's a whole new world waiting for them!
I believe living my best life allows me to set an example for other survivors. I've learned it's never too late to follow your dreams (diagnosed at 56). I focus on things I am grateful for today—especially all the love and encouragement I received from family and friends during this journey.
I like helping others and enjoy doing random acts of kindness. I am figuring out how to be kind to myself. My journey is far from complete. There are so many things I want to do through my blog. I am excited about my future!
How ironic that none of this would have happened if I didn't get sick. Breast cancer kickstarted my childhood dreams. It made me evaluate my life and prioritize my goals. Life sure is interesting, isn't it?
~Loretta
I am a former corporate sales executive whose career ended with a breast cancer diagnosis. Luckily, I am also a resilient, funny, resourceful, and determined woman. My mission in life is to help others that experience life-altering situations by looking for the opportunities they present. I have two children and one dog. I treasure my family and friends. I am addicted to Diet Coke from McDonald’s. I am an avid NY Mets fan with a soft spot for Military, Police, Fire, and EMT personnel. Yes, I cry at Hallmark and ASPCA commercials. I believe you should do a random act of kindness daily. While faith-driven, I am not a Bible thumper. I abhor the color pink. My breast cancer diagnosis upended my existence four years ago. I have been outwitting life every day since.
The charity I support is The Hance Family Foundation. Jackie Hance is a friend of mine and her foundation has done amazing things out of a horrific tragedy. https://www.hancefamilyfoundation.org/
You may read Loretta's Blog HERE
Connect with her on Facebook HERE
Connect with her on Instagram HERE
Connect with her on Twitter HERE
Connect with her on Pinterest HERE
First Day of Chemo
Last Day of Chemo
Loretta Today
Comments
Post a Comment