That Time I...

That Time I Gave an Unexpected Performance…

I remember feeling so cute on that picture-perfect summer day as I pulled on my red ‘skinny’ jeans and white button-down. I tied the outfit together with some darling turquoise jewelry pieces and matching heels. Girl, I was ready for some shopping!

Perfect for Downtown Shopping! 

My 11-year-old daughter and I set out leisurely, perusing the many stores along Steamboat’s historic Main Street; it felt magical. And it continued to be magical right up until my gorgeous Jessica Simpson heels met with a stray orange peel. I mean, I’d seen cartoon characters slip on banana peels before, but an orange peel? Who knew? And slip I did. Right down into a complete split (I was pretty flexible back then)! The slip/split successfully ripped my sexy red skinny jeans entirely from ass to crotch, dislodging one of my Jessica Simpsons and twisting my ankle in the process. Let me tell ya. It was beautiful!

After a moment of shock, I looked up — only to see my daughter, along with no less than 25 outdoor diners, all watching in HORROR (with some schadenfreude mixed in) as to what they had just witnessed.

At that point, my many years of dance training kicked in, and there was nothing I could do but STRIKE A POSE; I very dramatically flung my arm up into the air, tilted my head, and cheesed out, letting my audience know I was officially finished with my routine. They erupted with applause. We smiled, we laughed. TOGETHER. Then, somehow, I managed to pull myself up, put my cute Jessica Simpson back on my swollen foot, and back my torn ass right on up outta there, bowing as I exited.

R.I.P. to those jeans, though.

Basically what I looked like but with ripped red skinny jeans and a missing turquoise Jessica Simpson

 😂😂😂

That Time Daydreaming Almost Got Me Killed…

If you know me, you know I tend to live in my head. It was no different on this particular day in December when I decided to take a ski day by myself. It was one of those perfect Colorado blue sky days...the sun was shining bright, the air was crisp and clear, and there was a sense that all was good in the world. You know the type. I had only moved to Colorado from Louisiana a few years prior, but I’d been working hard at becoming a strong skier. I felt confident that day — and brave! It was the first time I’d ever gone out skiing alone. I was pumped!

With all my gear, I expertly hopped on the ski lift and settled in for the 20-minute ride up to the top of the hill. We kept stopping and starting, making the trip a bit more like 30 minutes. Remember that, okay, because up there, alone, on that chair lift, in the middle of the pristine Colorado Rocky Mountains, I soon became lost in thought. Years later, I can’t possibly remember what I was thinking about, but it must have been pretty damn engrossing because once we reached the top of the mountain, I COMPLETELY missed the spot to get off the lift (you know when your skis are on the ground and you stand up and let the chair push you forward?). Just as the ski lift was starting to go up again and turn around to go back down, I realized I was...so high, about 10 ft off the ground, and, in a panic, I decided to...JUMP? Off the lift?

Somebody Help Me.

...and as luck would have it, I landed ass-first right in front of a group of seasoned skiers, who — mind you, never once tried to help me up or help me reach my dislodged skis — but simply... stood, laughed, and pointed. I have never felt like a bigger idiot in my life. What’s worse, I had no one there to laugh about it with! I mean, no friend or family member to witness one of the most embarrassing, yet hilarious moments of my life! I felt so alone.

But I am strong, and I am courageous. I was skiing alone that day. I pulled myself up, got my damn skis back on my feet, and proceeded to ski the day away as if nothing had ever happened. I hope the onlookers still get joy from the memory of that dork launching herself off the lift. I like the feeling of knowing I made someone laugh.

...even if it was at my expense.

That Time I Was Shamed For Pooping in Public...

My friends and I at a well-known Austin Mexican Restaurant which was part of my poopy adventure! (Yes, we met Luke Wilson and Mike Judge that night!)

Okay, okay! So I ate a lot of Mexican food the night before, sue me. I was in Austin for a girls’ weekend, for goodness sake! And so obviously, sleep-deprived from a night of fun with old friends, I had a lot of coffee that morning. Let’s just say the Mexican food and coffee combination ‘erupted’ into a ‘sticky’ situation at the nail salon that morning. I mean, was it my fault the toilet wouldn’t freaking flush? Did that REALLY warrant the nail ladies yelling and screaming in a language I could not understand when they discovered I had clogged their only restroom?? Oy Vey. And it gets worse. Or better...depending on how you look at it.

After successfully escaping the raging nail ladies, we went on about our day in Austin, and later that night found ourselves at an improv comedy show. About midway through the show, one of the main performers looked out into the audience and asked, “Does anyone have a story from their day they’d like to share? We’d like a story we can reenact!”

I died a little inside.

It was so quiet for what seemed like an eternity. I slumped in my chair and hung my head. I knew what was coming.

Just as I was beginning to relax and feel as if my fear may be unwarranted, my loud-mouth friend stood up, pointed to me, and said, “SHE DOES!!”

Dead silence. I could hear my heart pounding inside my chest as I searched for the words...any words...to get me out of this predicament.

“I do.”, I said meekly. Damn-it.

So, I walked onstage and shared my story with about 300 people.

Then, my story was reenacted perfectly by a group of very talented actors, and there was not a dry eye in the room. That shit (pun intended) was hilarious!

Stay tuned for more of my funny, embarrassing, and crazy misadventures. Like the time I wore underwear all day on my back at school. Or that time I shit myself in line at Blockbuster. Or that time when I lived in Russia and got attacked by a Babushka (grandma) for not wearing a hat out in the cold. I could entertain you for days!

If you can't laugh at yourself, then what's the point?! I find laughter healing to my soul. And I surely hope you get a laugh today! 

~Becca Canny

You may connect with Becca on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/canny_becca19/

Or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/becca.sherrill

Do you have a funny, uplifting, inspiring, or other story to share with us? Join our family by becoming a guest writer for the Vented Uplift Community Blog! Contact Becca at becca.vented@gmail.com