What you don't Know

I was recently invited along with another author to Manasquan, NJ, to promote my book, Press Pause. If you aren't familiar with Manasquan, it's a charming and quaint beach town: beautiful homes, families with beach chairs on their backs riding their bikes to the beach, and a main street dotted with local shops, restaurants, and even a community theatre.

Two nights a week in the summer, main street is shut down for families to come out and dine outdoors, local musicians play as adults and children dance and mingle in the street, and kids ride bikes, scooters and play ball without the worry of traffic. It's a little slice of heaven.

On one of those nights, we were in front of the shop that extended the invite, hoping to get some foot traffic and the opportunity to invite people in for a conversation. However, we quickly learned that it's pretty hard to compete with food, drinks, music, and family time, so we decided to pack up a little early. As we were taking a moment to thank the owner for inviting us, two women wandered into her shop to look around. One of the women saw we were authors, looked at me, and asked, "So, what are these books about?".

As I began to tell her who I was and what my book was about, she interrupted me and responded quite abruptly. "Oh no! The last thing I want is to read a depressing book at the beach!" Although her words caught me and everyone else in the shop off guard, my response was, "Well, then I guess you're just not my audience. It has a very happy ending", and I said my final goodbyes. I wasn't hurt or angry. I simply walked away thinking how sad I felt for her and people who believe they know who I am.

On the surface, the story of a woman who has endured many sexual traumas throughout her life is uncomfortable and depressing for many. But, as the saying goes, what others think and say about me is none of my business. I am not responsible for the discomfort some people may feel when they learn about my history. My only responsibility is to me, and my desire to reach others who may need to hear the message that they are not alone in their pain, and it is possible to create a life separate from that pain.

Sadly, this woman's assumption that my story is depressing is an assumption many people make about survivors. Many also assume we hate all men, live in fear and anger, support Me Too, want to march on Washington with pink vagina hats, and question the validity of our
stories.

The reality is this woman and those who believe everything they see on TV miss out on an opportunity to broaden their horizon on a subject that continues only to be brought into the spotlight for sensational purposes or as an opportunity for a celebrity to show up then walk away when the cameras shut down. It's a moment to have a conversation with someone who can provide hope and inspiration, not sadness and depression. She and those like her assume they know, and we all know what happens when we assume anything. Had she been less curt and dismissive, so confident in her 10-second assessment, I could have opened her mind to who a woman like me is and what I represent.

I am a survivor of many sexual traumas. I survived a nervous breakdown at the age of 49 as a result of those traumas.

I press the pause button on my life for three months to understand, and begin to repair myself from the fallout of those traumas.

I founded a non-profit after healing from that breakdown for survivors of sexual trauma.

I have helped countless survivors and given them a place to heal when ready.

I was a speaker at the first conference of the Attachment and Trauma Network in Washington, DC.

I have been invited as a guest speaker at a trauma center in NJ...MANY times.

I have been invited as a guest on i-Heart Radio, one interview that offered important tips for victims of abuse trapped with their abusers through the Pandemic. That interview garnered the host a Gracie Award, the highest award given to women in Radio and Television.

I have hosted several speaking events, each of them uncovering other women in the audience who were survivors; women who needed to hear my message and needed to share their pain in a safe space.

I run several weekend retreats for women in Cape May, NJ that have formed lifetime friendships and bonds.

I am a champion of ALL women. I lift them, encourage them, and find joy in introducing them to each other in the hopes we ALL succeed in creating our individual happy lives.

I am a proud daughter, sister, mother, aunt, cousin, and loyal friend.

I do not hate men. I refuse to judge anyone as a result of my abuses.

I am not broken, or damaged.

I will never again give up on myself, and if you try to give up on yourself, I will not allow it.

In this woman's mind, she avoided a depressing book. She has already decided that my story would offer nothing but a heartbreaking account of a victim. But, as my experience has proven and what I know to be true, she passed up some incredible opportunities. She missed the chance to meet and engage in a conversation with an intelligent and resilient woman who doesn't wear her trauma on her sleeve.

She missed an opportunity to share herself and the things she has learned throughout her life and impart her wisdom to help others. She passed on the opportunity to be an inspiration and be thanked for taking the time to chat. She chose not to exist in a moment that proves we are all more alike than we are different.

She missed the opportunity to exist in her magic.

Thank You, Maureen for your beautiful and inspiring words! Thank you for sharing your story...there's so much power in that. 

~Maureen Spataro is the author of "Press Pause: The Breakdown that Rebuilt My Life and Changed a Family Legacy". Click the link below to buy her book today on Amazon!

https://www.amazon.com/Press-Pause-Breakdown-Rebuilt-Changed/dp/0578659328

~Feel free to email Maureen at info@becausesheis.org and check out her Facebook page

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