How Being Awarded the I Love NY Grant Helped me through my Breast Cancer Diagnosis

 

I didn't realize how winning the FCC $10000 grant helped me until I sat down to write this.

See, I told Rebecca Minkoff in a DM that I would love to tell her how my life has since changed, and I put it out there, hoping we could continue the conversation. And then she replied with a yes, and I was like, "Well, now WTF do I say? 

"Ok, great… I'll write something tomorrow"…and now tomorrow is today, and it hit me… wow if I didn't win that grant, I would not have been so prepared for my breast cancer diagnosis two months later.

And before you think Rebecca and I have this amazing DM relationship, I had simply shared my virtual ticket for the upcoming FCC event in Texas. I went to the one in Brooklyn two years ago before the world shut down, and I just loved it. I met the most amazing women! I highly recommend you go or buy the virtual ticket! But anyway, back to the point… as a business owner, sometimes you can make unique connections from Instagram. This year, my two favorite connections are Rebecca and Stacy Madison from Stacy's Chips. Take a chance, ladies, and reach out! The community of women you want are those who will share their journey to help lift you to success! It is something I practice every day of my life!

On October 20th, 2021, I learned of the fantastic news that I was one of the winners of the I Love NY Grant. I won $10,000.00!!! Now there is a whole imposter syndrome story behind me winning, but that's for another day. I was crying tears of relief winning that money—the night before, I was up all night with worry and angst. I had a huge invoice coming in a few weeks, and I was starting to panic. I am sure as an entrepreneur, you all have experienced those nights. The only glimmer of hope was spending this money because of a huge opportunity. See, this girl who used to throw up on stage and get bloody noses before she stepped on was about to be on a LIVE TV show selling my product Vented In Brooklyn. Our aromatherapy jewelry was chosen from 1000s by Joy Mangano to compete on her new show America's Big Deal on the USA Network! So life was good but terrifying at the same time! Winning this grant would make life a little easier…well, at least for the next few months.

So what did I do with the grant money? The obvious answer is I paid part of my purchase order from Hong Kong. Boring, but it took the pressure off of me so I could start mentally preparing myself to be on tv. I was still at the point of like WTF did I get myself into? Why did I apply? Why did I say yes? That little 4th-grade girl who got fired from the lead role because she couldn't get over her fear was alive and present. How the hell am I going to pull this off? I am in way too deep to back out now.

And I thought, what could I do to get through this fear? How could I become FEARLESS?! I found the courage and wrote someone to whom I looked up. I took a group class with her earlier in the year, which started my daily habit of gratitude and journaling. I knew she could get me through this. So I helped myself and hired Sheila from Mobster to Mentor as a personal coach for the next eight weeks to make sure I kicked ass on TV! I would never have been able to invest in myself without that grant. I would never have given myself permission to invest that kind of money in myself. So every week, we met and worked through my shit and self-doubt. We practiced self-worth, breathing, visualization and meditation. I practiced speaking, saw myself on that stage, and was ready to kill it at the end of 8 weeks! 

But then…

The week before the show, I went in for my yearly mammogram. The doctors are constantly watching something or sending me for another test, so I didn't think twice when the doctor came in to talk to me. I was used to this. But this time, it was different. 

"Mrs. Canny, I think you have DCIS…you are going to need a biopsy."

Umm yeah, that is going to have to wait. I have a TV show to be on, and I don't have time for this shit. So I stuffed this fact down deep and ignored it until I got through the show.

Show week was terrific! I loved every moment of it! Every tool Sheila had given me helped me remain calm, be present, not let my mind not go to the worst scenario, smile, and feel I deserved to be there. I practiced my breathing and closed my eyes, and meditated. When show time came at 9 PM on 12/2, I was ready! I inhaled my Vented bracelet, breathed deeply, and walked on that stage like I fucking owned it! No shaking, no palpitations, and no little girl full of fear. It was a rush! I did amazingly well and came in second place selling over $12,000.00 worth of goods! I enjoyed the night and didn't let my next fear trickle-up till the morning.

The Tuesday after the show, I went to Sloan Memorial for my breast biopsy. They had trouble finding the spot and squished me over and over…ladies, you know what I am talking about. But, I was able to remain calm the whole time. I prayed and just breathed as I sat with my eyes closed. And then I waited…

It seemed like it took forever for the results, and it was exactly a week at 7:30 at night in the middle of a Christmas party that I heard back. 

"Mrs. Canny, it came back positive. You have DCIS with micro-invasion, and you need to come in so we can make a plan about your next step." 

And I left that party and came home, laid on the couch with my husband, and let it soak in.

The week before Christmas, I am now headed to Sloan to speak with my surgical oncologist. The whole time I wondered how, a few weeks ago, I was buying multiple outfits to be on stage, and now I can't figure out what the proper attire is to wear to talk about the fact I have CANCER!

I talked to my doctor for 10 minutes, and I made the aggressive decision to have a double mastectomy with nipple and skin save. I don't think she ever had anyone decide that quickly. I walked out of there at peace. The date was set for 2/2/22, and I decided to make it all about my new set of 2 and share my story with everyone I could. There were no tears. I was in charge of my destiny and my boobs! All my work with cancer patients with Vented, the fashion show, the panel of survivors,  donating to patients with every purchase…everything I have been doing for years, had prepared me to make my bold choice and share my journey.

I took everything I worked on for the show and brought it into my new world of being a woman with early stages of breast cancer. Every penny spent on self-help literally saved me as I was able to smile through it all, breathe through it all, pray through it all and visualize the results. I was able to talk to others who were just starting their journey and encourage them since I was so at peace. So I would say the I Love NY Grant saved me more than I ever knew it would.

I had my double mastectomy on 2/2, and I am doing better than I imagined. I had to close my business down for a few weeks while I healed, and it gave me the time to sit and think and get back to my business goals. 

I had let other priorities slide as I became so consumed for months preparing for the show. You would be surprised how much you have to do!

I took that little bit of money left and put a deposit on a booth at the Atlanta Gift Show this Summer. Time to become that Female Founder I am proud of once again! No more fear!

Love,

Chrisie 💜